music is the answer

 I miss live music. Live, in-person, being with my friends, a night out, dancing and singing with the band. Live music, like it's meant to be heard. 

 That's probably the biggest change during this global pandemic, not being able to go to concerts, theater, clubs, bars, arenas, even outdoor festivals. Not being able to gather with a community of friends, neighbors, and fans. 

 But the saving grace in all of this has been artists who have been, and continue to perform online shows for all of us to enjoy, from the safety of our own living rooms. 

 One of my absolute favorite artists has been giving us online shows every week since early spring. Michael McDermott had the unfortunate timing of releasing a new album in the summer, and had his entire European tour cancelled. So he and his wife, singer Heather Horton, began doing online shows. 

 They've both performed online shows in the past, but mostly for remote fans across the country or overseas to be able to join in; or in between big shows, he would do an acoustic solo show to tide us fans over. But back in March, they committed to this. To bringing us music, to being there each week, giving us something to look forward to, and bringing our community together for a show.

 It has been such a wonderful thing to have something to look forward to each week. And Michael has mixed it up, performing completely different songs each week. Not that he's ever been one to do the same show twice. And he has the most extensive song catalog that you could even begin to imagine. He's written more songs, more wonderful songs, than we'll probably ever know. 

 And the very best part, aside from great music, is that this is where my friends are. The people I would choose to hang out with after work anyway, the friends that I would always drive each weekend to meet at a club, have dinner and drinks with, then enjoy some music together. My friends are all here. 

writing it down

 Originally, I thought I would blog regularly during this global pandemic, so that I could look back and remember what was going on at the time, and how we felt, and what we did during all of this. That's still my intent, not just to post photos but to help myself remember this. 

 First of all, I've been working at home now for over six months, and I think I can say I'm getting the hang of it. It was really isolating and kind of scary at first, realizing why we were all at home, and why we were staying apart. Feeling like I hadn't spoken out loud, except to my cats, for days on end. 

 The first few weeks I barely left the house. I think it was around week 5 that I went back to the grocery store for the first time. Luckily I had bought groceries right before the lock down in March, so I was fine until then. Wearing my mask, hand sanitizer in my purse, shopping list in hand, I went into the store and tried not to hyperventilate the whole time. Anxiety and breathing through the mask for the first trip out was overwhelming. I picked up only what I was going to buy, didn't touch anything else, did not touch my face, rang up my food at the self-checkout, and went home. I remember it took me over an hour to get my breathing back to normal and my heart rate down after that outing.  

 Then all of the decisions even after getting the groceries home... wipe them all down? Leave them in the garage for a few hours before bringing anything in the house? Not initially being able to find toilet paper, alcohol wipes, hand sanitizer, even paper towels in any store. People were hoarding supplies, which was absolute craziness. 

 My mom and I decided right away that we would be each other's "person", that we would isolate from everyone else, but carefully be able to see each other. Neither of us have contact with the public, and are taking care if we need to run to a store. It is harder not to see my brother or my closest friends, though we have had a few "driveway chats" and are able to keep in touch over the phone. 

 Now, we're all adapting and keeping in touch with facetime, video chats, zoom meetings and google meetups. And yet no one knows how long this will last. Too many people are becoming complacent, and the numbers keep rising. We need to learn from this, take care of each other, think about someone other than ourselves. It's the only way we'll all get through this. Together. 

my new normal

Captain's log: Day 6,548? No idea. It's been close to six months now since I last saw my office, or my coworkers, or most of my friends and family. Are we getting any better at all the distancing, at spending so much time without other people? One thing I know is I'm finding a lot of comfort in routine. 

My work day is pretty much the same. I'm still so thankful that I can do this job from my home, and fairly easily at that. Not everyone is that fortunate. And I determined pretty early on during stay-at-home that I needed to stick to a fairly normal bed time, or I'd be way too tired in the morning. Without my morning commute to work in which I'd have almost an hour to sing along with the radio and drink my coffee, now I pretty much wake up and log in. My coworkers are so great, they even name our daily group chat with the day of the week, since none of us know what day it is anymore. 

One of my longest friendships is with my friend and yoga teacher Natalie, and one of the things I most look forward to is doing online yoga with her a few times every week. It's the best thing about Wednesdays, for sure, and if I wake up in time on the weekend that's how I start the days too. It is really helping me to get through what sometimes feel like never-ending work days, to have things to look forward to, and yoga is a bright spot. 

Back in March when we all locked ourselves into our homes, I was looking forward to cooking and baking, and making really good use of my free time. To some extent I'm still trying to do all of that, but when I need something to look forward to -- I think about what I'm going to order out for dinner. Of course it's not that hard to justify supporting my local restaurants either, but I definitely spend more time thinking about food than is probably normal. 

As far as all of the projects and things I thought I would spend my newfound free time on... I have done a little more cleaning, sorting, tossing, selling. And I'm doing more cooking and baking, although not at all like I thought. Social media is both good and bad, on the one hand it is my main point of contact with all of my friends and family, as well as the outside world, but I'm spending probably too much time scrolling through facebook or instagram. 

Photography is one thing I am managing to do more of, which really makes me happy. I've spent time photographing murals around Madison and Monona, I've spent more time outside taking pictures of the birds who visit. And I'm taking a billion cute photos of my cats, but who can blame me for that one? I have ideas for photo projects that I'll work on eventually, maybe post some of those here. 

Are you typing again? Is it about us? Can we help? 

The other thing I wish I were doing more of is reading, and in writing this I realize I will work on that more purposefully. There are so many wonderful things I want to read! 

I hope you are all finding your new normal, settling in with whatever your routines are, or making new ones. Spending time keeping in touch with those who are important to you, and reaching out to others. Find things that you can look forward to, things that make you happy, and take good care of yourselves. 

well past the two month mark

Today was a good day.

Sometimes they are, even on a rainy Monday. Today was a good day because I felt smart. My brain worked for me. I could put two thoughts together. I could think something all of the way through. The anxiety didn't fight me so hard. That's one of the (many) things that it does. The fog, the confusion, the inability to hold a thought in my head. Some days it is truly a battle.

I'm sure anxiety, and stress too, affect all of us in a zillion different ways. The racing heart, the mind that won't stop spinning, you can't sleep, don't want to eat... So many things. None of them good.

Thankfully, for me, I have people in my life who are trying to help. To listen. Understand. To reach out. My boss has been completely understanding, helping me to prioritize my work, to focus when I just can not. And by taking things off my plate so that I can struggle though some other task. I honestly couldn't ask for more from her. My coworkers who are picking up more work than they rightfully have time for. My friends who listen, who ask how I'm doing, check on me when I'm quiet. My family. My family. What can I say? They are everything. My safety net, my sounding board, my little tiny village, my heart and soul. They're keeping me together too.

So I'm thankful. Grateful. I am getting through this. Day by day, getting through. I hope you all are too. And I hope today was a good day.

Gratuitous cute cat photos, just because I can:

week number - who knows anymore

Safer at home - here we still are. I've lost track of how many weeks this is, and yes I also fell behind on journaling this experience. It's difficult, not going to lie. I'm extremely thankful to have a tech job which I can do remotely, and be safe here in my home. And yet everything seems harder, even little tasks take longer, and everything takes so much more energy than I seem to have. It's a challenge. 

I've been getting outside and going for walks around the neighborhood regularly, just for the fresh air and occasional sunshine. Really appreciating the spring flowers poking up, the first blooms opening up for us to enjoy, and the fanciful things people have in their gardens and yards. These little things definitely help to put a smile on my face.

I'm also really struggling with anxiety. Probably a lot of you are too, in many different ways. So I'll just say this, because I don't have any answers, or any fabulous wisdom to help you through. But if you need someone to listen, just reach out, I'm here. I get it. And know that you're not alone. Just breathe.

week 2 - finding a new normal

Well, we've all made it through another week of self-distancing. Quarantine week two, if you will.

I'm trying to stay focused when I'm working, not always easy with three cats trying to "help". And I'm really trying to get myself into some sort of daily routine as well. That's proving more difficult, and I'm not sure why. I'd like to think I have more time now to be active, or start to tackle some big house projects that I've been meaning to do. With no commute, and no errands to run after work, no social engagements taking up my evening hours, it seems like now is the time. But scheduling regular walks either at lunch time or after work, some kind of activity to keep myself active, and doing even regular household activities are all taking more energy than I thought they would.

Motivation is hard.

So now I'm telling myself just to be kind. To take it easy. We are all stressed, in ways we're not used to. We worry about our friends and family, the world, our future. It's a lot.

So maybe taking a walk at lunchtime is something I can make into a habit. Fresh air and activity is always good.

But perhaps tackling a million little house projects is going to have to wait. At least for now. And that's going to be okay.

Let's all hang in there. Be kind to yourselves, and to others, please.

quarantine week 1 - adjusting

Thinking about our daily lives, and how different they are in these days of Covid19 quarantine, and social and physical distancing. So many changes, some big and some small. Thought I might resurrect this blog, feel free to comment with things you have noticed. Or start your own blogs. And if you do, let me know, and I will follow yours!

A little about me - I already live alone, with my three wonderful cat companions - Rory, Finnegan, and Fergus - so this isn't a huge change for me. My job in systems allows me to work from home from time to time, so learning to work at home every day isn't a huge shift. I know for others that is probably a very big change, and one that takes some getting used to. Also many of my friends, family and neighbors aren't able to do their jobs remotely, or have had their businesses shut down or their hours reduced, and I worry about them.

Adjusting to working from home, and just setting my computer, phone and everything up to be remotely connected has had a couple of challenges. I was able to borrow a second computer monitor from my office, but didn't have the right cables for my laptop. Luckily the office supply store was still open and had what I needed. I'm also using my cell phone all day for work, and not having a 'desk phone' for meetings and conference calls. So I got an actual headset, as opposed to using ear buds all the time. Again, thankful for the local office supply store and Amazon. These are really small hurdles and I'm lucky it was as easy as that.

I'm very aware and thankful that here at my home office I do have internet connectivity, the radio for background noise, my cat coworkers to break up my day occasionally by walking on the keyboard and stealing my pens. And appreciating the ability to keep in touch - remotely - with my friends and family.